Just an answer to the wondering little brain
Banta sits down at the bar, orders a drink and holds his head in his hands.
When the bartender comes back, Banta is swearing softly under his breath and shaking his head.
“Hey Banta, what’s happening?” asks the bartender.
“I’m in DEEP SHIT,” Banta replies. “I just got caught screwing my neighbour.”
“Oh wow!” says the barman, “Who caught you? Your wife or her husband?”
“No,” said Banta, “HIS wife!”
Three women were returning to their Hungarian village when they spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking ahead of them.
As they watched him stumbling, he fell face down into a mud puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she recognized him.
However, his face was so covered with mud that she bent over and unzipped his pants.
She remarked, “Well, he’s not my husband.”
The second woman peering over her shoulder agreed, “Your right, he’s not your husband.”
The third woman, somewhat older than the other two, bent over to look and said, “He’s not from our village.”
Enjoy these divorce jokes i have read today …Believe me they are funny.Most probably these are the best 3′s out of more than 15 divorce jokes i have read.ENJOY !!
An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.
To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked , “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?”
The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the old creep dig. I had him buried upside down.
Joke 2At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!”
A man, his wife, and seven children where waiting in a bus stop. After some time a blind man joins them. The bus arrives. The blind man and the large family find themselves walking because of the crowded bus. The blind man starts tapping his stick on the road, which seems to annoy the husband who shouts at the blind man…
“Can’t you put a rubber to the end of your stick to avoid that irritating noise.”
To this the blind man replies…
“If you would have put a rubber to the end of your stick we all would have been in the bus.”
George W. Bush had a heart attack and died. He went to hell where the Devil was waiting for him.
‘I don’t know what to do here,’ said the devil. ‘You are on my list but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who leaves.’
The devil open the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
‘No!’ Bush said. ‘ I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day.’
The devil led him to the next room: In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time.
No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!’ commented Bush.
The devil opened the third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinski, doing what she did best.
Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, Yeah, I can handle this.’
The devil smiled and said, ‘Okay, Monica, you’re free to go!’
One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
Why are you stopping darling?” she whispered.
He whispered back, ” I found the remote.”
Don’t speed up if you happen to see this sign while driving otherwise you’ll regret after your death !…lol
Imagine the following:
You have just made it through your wedding ceremony and step out onto the church steps
The photographers raise their cameras following your family tradition, both of you hold white doves Which you will release together You and your new bride stand shoulder to shoulder with a dove in your hands as your friends and relatives eagerly wait The main photographer gives the ready signal and you open your hands toward the sky .
Not a dry eye in the house, the cameras flash non-stop; that moment is preserved for eternity .
This is one of the funniest pictures i have come across on the net today.I have also posted this picture in my website Humour digest.com.Though i don’t update daily , you may still visit my website if you want as i have posted some really funny files ..Have A Nice DAy !!
POOR GUY !!! I wonder who might be that unfortunate guy